Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
