no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
