he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
