oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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