Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
