Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
