Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
