i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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