we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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