you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
