i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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