Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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