Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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