It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
