im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
