he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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