Hey man sorry I got all grabby
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
