Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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