SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
