Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
