We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
