Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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