We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
