I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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