I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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