She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
being pregnant is like rehab
I need a burrito and a hug.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
