I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
