Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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