My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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