dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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