bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
