i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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