I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
