So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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