I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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