This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
