yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
