im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
