she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
operation have a gay friend backfired
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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