he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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