you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
