i think my tv is drunk
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
