someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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