I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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