Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
