I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
