Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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