Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
