Too much gin, very little bucket
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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