It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize