based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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