I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
