She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
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