I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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