why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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