I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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