I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
