wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
