btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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