How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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