Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
