just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
