Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
