whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
