So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
