end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we made out on top of his cat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
