if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
