I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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