he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
