She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
