woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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