oh god the rape fog is back!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
