Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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