Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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