don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's shark week go big or go home
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
