After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
