when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
