Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
