Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We had to coat check the pizza.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
