Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
