just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
