3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
